Ok…I just spent months preparing for an art show that took place on September 7th. It was a wonderful night full of beautiful and kind hearted friends who I am beyond grateful for. When in a space like this of intense creation, a burst of energy takes over as if you feel possessed. I loved the feeling of going for the ride. All I had to do was show up and allow the spirit to take hold and put my brush to the canvas. It was quite the experience to watch everything unfold. Paintings seemed to practically paint themselves and stories came together when I followed this feeling. I didn’t have to manage or control and I loved every minute. By some kind of magic, I got it all done. Of course that nagging feeling of it’s not enough came popping up at the end. That painful ego that tries to take hold. I took a deep breath and accepted that I did the best that I could. I put my all into it, truly. That’s all I can do.
So now what? Here I am after the show, my kids started school after a summer together and there is silence. For the first time in a few years I have no plans mapped out, nothing set up…just space. Honestly it feels uncomfortable and a bit scary. What’s next? Do I have to make that happen? I think again about my exhibit and the process and how that was orchestrated and came together like a beautiful dance. I desire life to be like that, like the waves of the ocean. So here I sit, feeling the feelings of open space with once again nothing to hold on to. Waiting…breathing slowly. The concept of Grace has been coming up again and again in my life for months. I believe in Grace. I believe that there is some magic at work here in this life, I just have to truly trust that. I wish I could end this writing with some sort of completeness, but sometimes there just isn’t any. Just another to day to wake up to and see what happens and to be ready when inspiration strikes.
Lauren
